He'll be away, I m in sorrow

I don't know where else to release this grief. I have been very gloomy for the past few days after my husband informed me that he'll be leaving for JB.

He'll be away for 3 MONTHS! He said, he chose to answer the Boss' challenge for the pay that awaits. The job would be a though one. He has to be on site from 8 am to 12pm or be in shift. No weekends break and the place would have no telephone signal.

We have been discussing on husband's limited earnings nowadays. The fact that the costs of living has increased and he has to bare few debts here and there, and then he cannot endure listening to my grumble of how other wives are enjoying better life than myself because they have husbands who earn bigger than the wives, have driven him to decide so.

I can understand that he is new in the job. Well in fact since he changed career, he has been working very hard to get the employer's acceptance and trust. But being new, his pay is relatively small. I cannot restrain myself from moaning about having to share my pay for our maintenance. I am so used to the lifetime when we're just married and he took charge of everything that involved financing. Now that we have the little Arissa, my burden has been heavier as she could easily get sick.

He did not discuss of the JB job with me before coming into that decision. He just informed that he'll be leaving. And that has left me in blue. Will I be able to care for the family alone?

I discern myself as a very dependant wife. I limit myself to cleaning the house, feeding the baby, cooking for us when I feel to, and that's all. What if there's flood? I cannot swim. What if the roof falls? who's rescuing us?

In fact for normal routine, I would need his assistance to close the gate, send Arissa to school, lock the doors, throw away house trash. It's because I get murky every morning as I have to face the traffic congestions and the punchcard time. If he's not around, for consecutive 3 months, how would I be? I remember when he was away for 3 days last time, there was a day that I accidentally did not lock the gate as I was rushing to leave for office. When I got home I was so shock and blamed myself for being so forgetful. Imagine what could have happened in 8 hours..

Then, if Arissa gets ill, who's to drive us to clinic while I have to hold her tight in my arms? Her doctor's clinic is away in Cheras Perdana and I could not remember the route even after millions of visit.

Who is going to shop for our groceries, toilettries, Arissa's needs and what not? Who is going to ensure that the petronas people send their gas on time when needed? More important than not, who is going to secure our safety when the big guy is not around?

Think about it.
Those are more value than leaving me with your RM3k per month. The money does not worth the sacrifice :-(